This morning I find my heart missing Scotland. My friends, the air after another rain, the smell of Stanely House, and the beautiful people walking the street. I miss our High Street flat, despite its many flaws, and the way it felt to walk out the door and into the centre of Paisley. The entire town at my proverbial fingertips, the hustle of getting "there" when rain was falling or the slow pace we all walked when it wasn't. The grey skies, the too-long days, even the pungent smell of cigarette smoke on every corner will be a welcome familiarity when we return.
Instead I'm sitting on my sister-in-laws couch, waiting for Daniel to wake up, and wondering when I'll be back there again. My heart is heavy with the work that needs to be done there. The people walking in hopelessness, unaware of the abundant life God has waiting for them. Scotland is ripe for harvest. I believe that. And I am eager to see which lives God wants me to partner with Him in. Which beautiful souls I get to walk alongside as they learn and discover the wonder of their Creator, who deeply desires their heart.
The past fourteen months have been (nearly) ministry-less. Michael and I genuinely believe that God helped us get pregnant when we did, and the timing couldn't have been more perfect. But it was tough. There is no exaggeration for how difficult the pregnancy was on both of us. And Daniel is perfect and wonderful and as hard as being a parent is, his smile in the morning makes every difficulty pale in comparison. God gave us an amazing gift!
And this sweet boy is being shuffled around from room to room, home to home, and state to state as we pack-move-fundraise, pack-move-fundraise, pack-move-fundraise. He's already slept in thirteen homes and three states. He's travelled across state lines at least 20 times on our various trips, and he's only six months old. God gave us the perfect child for the life He's called us to.
Between packing, fundraising, and caring for ourselves and Daniel, I'm sure God is stopping the clock sometimes to allow us to spend precious time with family and friends while we're here. It's hard to think about leaving them and harder to think about how much Daniel will have grown when they all see him again. And still, my heart is in Scotland. I'm so eager to get back there, it's almost palpable. I know that God has us here for a reason, though I'm not sure of what it is, and I know that we will get the funds we need or the call to "go anyway" at just the right moment.
I can look back on the journey of the past three years and see His magnificent hand timing everything like a flawless orchestra conductor. Marking each step, each beat, each turn, each stop, each rise, and each fall; and now, it seems, I am on the brink. Knowing just enough of what's to come to look forward to it with excitement and trepidation. There have been many peaks, but it seems now like I'm awaiting the crescendo. (Doesn't it always seem that way?) Watching my Conductor for a gentle nod of the head, paying close attention for when the speed of His hands begins to increase and the gestures become more pronounced.
Waiting. Watching. Listening.
This is probably right where He wants me. Working hard and paying close attention. Fighting for the right balance between family and work. And learning to trust Him for when to take the next step. He wants me eagerly waiting to get back, get going, and trusting Him to say when to go. And He wants me here, right where I am, doing what I'm doing. Caring for Daniel, fundraising for our calling, and learning to be a better wife, mother, follower, friend, servant.